Running Into Joy

I have to confess, after the weekend I've had, I did not expect good news when I stepped on the scale this Wednesday. As an emotional eater, I certainly put away a decent number of Snyder's Hot Buffalo Wing pretzel pieces, my current not quite WW approved obsession. The day my cat died, my boyfriend took me out to lunch, where I consumed an entire sadness pizza. (Thank you, Andy. It was exactly what I needed). But, I continued to track my food and, after that first hard day, tried to channel my grief into healthier outlets, including: Crying while running  Crying while doing yoga on Artemis' favorite mat Crying while taking long walks with fantastic, supportive friends Falling asleep with an episode of The Mindy Project in the background I know myself enough now to know that I have a tendency to wallow, so it's been project Keep Amanda Busy (and active). This week, I went to Dave and Busters and had drinks with a friend and went to yoga. Normally, I hate hav...

Lately, my WW journey has been pretty on pause as I've dealt with losing my Half Marathon training, healing my back, etc, etc. Yet for some reason, when I got back from my mini-trip last weekend, two Milestones rewards were waiting in the mailbox. The first was my 5 lb milestone keychain, celebrating being 5 lbs down from my starting weight (which was, apparently, higher than I remembered). The second was a 10 lb keychain that I've only earned if you squint really hard at my tracking and give me slack for the weeks I refused to admit what I'd gained back and just didn't log anything. Needless to say, that milestone is staying in the envelope until I actually earn it. I'm still struggling with this weird duality of believing we need to stop shaming fat, wanting to shift my own perception of beauty and be more body positive, while simultaneously feeling wrong and frustrated at this weight. It's one of those "I contain multitudes" situations, I thin...

Before we begin, I'd like to throw in a little trigger warning: this post deals with weight loss and trying to achieve a healthy weight. So if you're struggling with an eating disorder or other body issues, please skip this post. Today's topic is one that I'm a little hesitant to write about, if I'm honest. These days, it seems like my social media feed is full of body positive messages. I love these posts and fully support the movement of women (and people in general) being comfortable with our bodies as they are, rather than being subjected to unrealistic and harmful body standards, to the idea that women's bodies should be constantly changed and sculpted to fit some impossible ideal. So... it's a bit of a weird thing to say I'm trying to lose weight. I don't talk about it much outside my close friend circle and, of course, the Weight Watchers app. I almost feel bad, or guilty, for wanting to lose weight. Like it's a failure to fully love a...